Thursday, October 09, 2008

Quarter Century musings

It's the end of the sailing season and the end of a quarter century for me. We have two races left, and I am turning a majestic and impressive (hah) twenty-five.

Sometimes I feel a little sad, pensive, and quite frankly, 'failed,' when I consider the last three years. I don't know that I have done enough to have really "earned" 25, and it's a little depressing to turn a personal milestone while feeling that I haven't achieved enough (without firm goals, it's hard to measure my amount of success or failure, but I am, overall, dissatisfied). If I were going to be morbid (I just finished re-reading North and South, and poor Miss Hale is bombarded by death, hence the direction of my thoughts), I would make a comparison between "milestones" and gravestones, or maybe millstones, you know, the road of life and its markers, things that weigh us down, etc., etc., but I know you all come here for my sparkling wit and steady optimism, so you can just pretend I didn't say that.

low tide at night

Because other times, I'm just really grateful that I am able to spend another year in a province that I love, and my heart just expands with thankfulness and joy in living and liking living and being alive and seeing other live things and watching the seasons turn and laughing at myself and daydreaming and, well, generally when I am in a good mood my thoughts get a little fragmented, but I start to feel like maybe enjoying life is enough. Then I take a picture of our yard monster:

Seed monster

It's Calendu-La, the wicked seedster! Beware his wrath and spiny talons. Rawr!

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